I just opened a folder that was steps away from where I now sit. I wanted to find a business card in order to use an email address I knew was there. I opened that folder and discovered the long lost Christmas Card Howard Schultz sent me. I was unable to move for a moment. If you have been reading these posts you will recall that the misplacing of that very card caused previous mental anguish. I got over it. I let it go. I put the mental anguish into a post. And I waited for the card to reappear when I was ready for it to.
It has been a year or so since I decided to not look for anything I lost. I decided then that I would not waste the time. I decided that when I lost something it was because I was not thinking with calm intention at that moment. Or I was trying to multitask, which is not possible (it is a false proposition creating by corporate America to justify paying someone one salary for doing two or three jobs). If the item stayed lost, then I no longer needed it. But most of the time, the item in question returns when I needed it to, now when I wanted it to.
I badly wanted to use the Howard card for post #34. When I could not locate it to place it in that post I searched places most I thought likely to find it, to no avail. It pissed me off. In my younger days I would have been mad enough to destroy something. However, on that day I was able to move on and create post #34 without the actual card.
As for this morning, the moment just before I stood up to look for the business card I was looking at this screen and the words “Blog 58”. No title, just a blank document. I was trying to decide what to write this morning. No urgency. As of this morning, blog number five, also about Howard, was published. So, I was not stressed as far as keeping up with content production. I have also just started Big Magic by Elizabeth Gilbert. I have already felt the desire to post about what I have found interesting and relevant in her book. But, a lot of it can found in my own voice in my own previous posts. BTW Elizabeth, I am rocking. Those competing thought streams were not yet producing blog #58.
Before the moment I stood up I had yet another thought stream enter my mind, due partly to reading her book last night . That stream carried thoughts of fear. Fear is there always and Big Magic is doing to do a fab job of exploring and explaining that. My thought fear at that moment was “Why did I send Howard Schultz, a man who is worth three billion and who may run for president, an invitation to read my novel when I call his company ‘The Cosmodemonic Coffee company”?
That fear is gone now as this page is nearly full. It is gone because I remembered that I also sent Howard the excerpt from Tripio that explains that the word Cosmodemonic has no bad intent toward his company. Secondly, the fear left me during the moment I stood staring at the card because I was reminded that I once meant enough to Howard for him to send me a Christmas card.
‘May I help who’ next?”